In everyone’s life, there is an event, that invokes a personal result, that develops the final outcome. How are you responding to events in your life, and are those responses producing the Outcomes you desire?
My last blog post was posted a while back in a public, searchable blog social media site. That openly shared blogs with those who had the same interest. You needed not to look for the answers, the website often provides them based on its own criteria and your personal behavior on the site. Although the blog post in my thoughts is not well written but delivers the statement I wanted to make. One of the responses I received was a bit alarming. The respondent was so distraught by my writing, the writer was compelled to argue every point in the blog post.
My thought, initially was not to respond to such negativity, was to ignore the writer, and the responses sent. You see the respondent was arguing the point of deep and under trauma at the hand of someone else. The events that lead to the negativity came from a belief that we have that we can’t control our future, and future events.
Although often this true, in some instances, trauma is inflicted on us because we really are not as in tune with whom and what we are. In other cases, these trauma’s occur out of the blue, for no reason. I took a chance to help the respondent, from the comments left, I carefully and with caution addressed the point made.
How many times have we heard growing up that it’s not our fault’s what happens to us, what happens around us are not something we should beat ourselves up over? You can’t change the action of someone else, nor can you change a situation after it happens. What if understanding why it happened, changed your life, and strengthen your position in achieving and reaching your goals quicker though?
What if we were to understand that events in our life, can be influenced by our responses to them, and thus the outcomes of those events can change how we move forward with them?
If we understand that there are clearly certain trauma’s in life that we could have avoided, no matter how bad they are, that we take risks no matter what we do, are we better equipped to address outcomes that are not so favorable to our desired destination?
My response opened a dialog with this respondent, which opened my thoughts to the greater need to understand us deeply. Through our conversations, the patience and understanding opened doors of insight, understanding, and knowledge neither of us had previously.
I could have blamed the writing for the difficulty this respondent presented. Could have blamed the lack of personal understanding this respondent had of themselves. Even blamed the lack of reason that leads to their trauma as the cause of the outcome of our initial meeting.
Yet I choose not to blame the event of my writing or this person trauma for the outcomes of our initial exchange. As if the truth was in the initial events, then no one in life would ever succeed. I applied the truth, that for every reason why I could find the reason it was not possible, I accepted that there are hundreds and thousands of people who have faced the same circumstances and succeeded.
I needed to find the limiting factors and overcome them. Clearly, this individual understood what I was saying, or the respondent would not have reacted the way they had so it could not be the limiting factors that were presented. That limited the respondent.
I approached the respondent with the attitude that I had, my limiting factor in responding to the initial response was myself. The truth that we stop ourselves, we think limiting thoughts and engage in behaviors that limit our successful change from the trauma, out of the negativity and blame, to our success and self-achieved happiness and success.
Often we defend our self-destructive habits, beliefs, with indefensible logic, ignoring useful feedback, and fail to continuously educate ourselves on whom and why we are. As this respondent had, I have, and I am sure you have, we forget that learning a new skill does not always mean hard skills, like assembling a car, or changing a light switch. But it means learning skills that provide useful information into whom we are, and how we react to situations and why that reaction happens.
Often our loss of time occurs on trivial or meaningless aspects of our lives and trauma, by focusing on blame, revenge, and often our need to question ourselves, and finding the real reason our outcomes happen they way they do. We have found hole industries that have appeared because of our lack of self-awareness, and our flawed reasonings. Yet wonder why our lives don’t work.
Yet our simple change of our response to an event can change the way things are, till we get the outcome we want for ourselves. Remember that the only person we should be blaming is ourselves, that the blame should build to the positive, not the negative outcome and understanding why things happen.
Never ask, or accept that there is no answer in your life that is under the control of another. Never accept, that you could not have to change the outcome of any event in your life, and never blame the other or yourself for what response they gave to achieve the failure in the outcome that occurred.
Sounds easy, sounds like I don’t know what I am talking about, but if you change your thinking, the communication, the pictures you hold in your head about yourself and the world. You will change your behavior, the things you do, and understand that as much as you want to control the world. The only control you really have is over yourself and your events, with the response you provided to that event that produced the outcome it did.
The respondent and I still communicate, nearly daily. With the success of our communications, coming from the change in behaviors the respondent had, and being the gift to see that along the way my behaviors also needed to change.
We together have learned a valuable understanding that if we don’t like the outcomes; we need to change our responses to the events that had controlled our lives. From each other, the trauma the respondent faced, we both learned that most us are so run by our own habits, that we never change our behaviors.
That we found we were stuck in a continual and conditional response that we provided for events in our lives and that we were bundling a conditioned reflexes to conditions that were out of our own control.
The respondent was able to understand what the previous post was saying, not a downplay of the trauma, but the need for the regaining of thoughts, images, dreams, daydreams, and personal behaviors. That although difficult at the start, the most important truth, was everything thought, said, and needed had to be intentional and aligned with purpose, values, and goals.
That no matter, the revenge, or awareness that others needed, it was not helping or allowing our own personal goals, values, and thoughts to change to suit our needs, wants, desires, or our success. It was the difference between thinking negative thoughts or thinking positive thoughts that made the difference. A matter of personal attitude that was creating completely different experiences, and solidifying our understanding that events in our lives, can have different outcomes, with different responses. That if we change our response, we change the outcome and can do this until we get the outcome we desire for ourselves.